Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
