I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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