Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
