It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
