I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
