Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Alive.
So much puke
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
