Life is so much better after having sex.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
