Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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