just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
