i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
