I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
