I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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