so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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