Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
