she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
