And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
