Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
