loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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