That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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