i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
