I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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