I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
