i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
