just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
