Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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