he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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