I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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