Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
