i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
