He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
