apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
