She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
