Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
