also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
