So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There are leaves in my underwear?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
