New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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