I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
