i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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