when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
