now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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