who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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