these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
