Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
