I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
