So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
