tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Life is so much better after having sex.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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