If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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