I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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