i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
