I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
