you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
