Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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