3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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