she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just threw up on my dentist
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
