watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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