This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We got so high we made milksteak
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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