half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
