I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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