I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
