Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
