I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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