i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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