mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
