I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
