do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
