All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
