And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
being pregnant is like rehab
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
