she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
