She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
