She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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