C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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