Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Randomize
