shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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