I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
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I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
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You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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