i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
