By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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